Pickles and Brownies

I realize I have not written anything in a while.  But i dont know… heres whats been on my mind lately about that.  I dont need to write on here anymore.  Ive always felt tumblr was meant for the people that needed it.  Most cannot find comfort in their lives with the superficial people around them, and they want to go somewhere where they can honestly be understood for once in their lives.  Tumblr is that place.  Its been that place for me for such a long time.  but i feel like its gotten to the point where its gone downhill.  Tumblr seems to be causing a lot of frustrations in my life right about now.  Reminding me of what is wrong, reminding me of what I cannot have.  Dangling images of what I want most right in front of my face and telling me that I cannot have them.  Its rude, and the sad part is that especially on tumblr, I cannot avoid it.  Tumblr was always my journal.  I used to write in it freely, and most people get bothered by the idea that they dont want people that they know in real life to be following them because the whole purpose of tumblr is to get away from those people.  But there are just so many people getting a blog to have one because its just the new thing.  I never had it that way.  I know the original people who followed me and I follow never thought it that way.  We had our tumblrs because we needed them.  Now its just.. it all seems meaningless.  I dont care who reads what I write, im an open book and I never hold anything in.  But me and tumblr are at this point where everything I post has no more meaning to it.  Im at the point in my life where I realize that this “friend” that I have in tumblr will never honestly be able to be there for me.  It will never laugh with me.  It will never cry with me.  It will never hold me.  It will never kiss me.  I do not want to live life alone, and yet…  Thats the only way Im living it anymore.  If I delete my tumblr, I hope that it will help me to gain my life back.  The people who want to be here for me in my real life will be there for me.  And the rest of you could care less if you would like to.  Its your business what I mean to you in your life.  I know that in the end, tumblr is just like another distraction in my life.  I realize that yes, tumblr is fun, but when it comes down to it.  Me sitting here and writing what I feel to people who dont care will get me absolutely nowhere in my life.  Will it make me a better runner? no.  Will it make me a better tennis player? no.  Will it make me an income? no.  Will it give me the love with my love that ive so desperately wished for?  I wish it could.  But it wont.  I dont need this.  I might come on here when im bored.  But its just a waste of time.  Tumblr has been there for me when I needed it, and I thank it for that, but our time seems to be coming to an end.  or maybe..maybe just this blog.  I dont know.. I have no clue yet.  Maybe i might want to make a themed blog one day.  Who cares ha.  we will see when I get there.  By no means am I insulting this beautiful website.  Its as simple as this: Tumblr is here for the people who need it, and it does a damn good job for the most part. but Right now, I dont need it.  Like I said.  If anything in my life… its just been hurting me.  Im going to learn to make a difference in my life and others with real experiences.  Theres so many things that come up on here that we all say “I wanna be that” to.  Done with it.  Im gonna be me.  I like me:]  I miss me:]  Rant rant.

Be yourself, love yourself, and dont be afraid to express your feelings.  Because when its all said and done, you’re going to regret not doing things your way for once.  You only live one lifetime.